Hating my body.

I looked in the bathroom mirror today with disgust. Every part of me is so fat. I hate my body. but hating it so much makes it worse. Ive tried losing weight, but I can't idk what it is. I'm addicted to food and to using it as a cover up for me hating my life. I hate shopping for clothes, not only so I walk funny but Im also fat. I dont know how anyone could love me... Im so gross. I try not to eat but I cant help myself. I loved being thin in high school... loved it. But now I hate my body. I waddle and my pants and shirts are huge so they wont sink in to every crease and lump I have. why did god choose me to have this life, everything is wrong with me. Why cant i be Barbie with the killer body all the guys want. Instead i get made fun of and felt bad for so guys fuck me and then leave. life nothing ever happened. im worthless..